We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
