and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
