So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
