We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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