omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
This beer is not sobering me up at all
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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