Only a mothe r could love this liver
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
