Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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