the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
