i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
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