Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
