I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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