k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i was born a porn star she said
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
