CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
