dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
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