when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Randomize
