Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
