Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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