MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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