I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
