...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
