Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
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