My balls are so social today.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
