What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
