Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
