I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
