That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Acid is not a monday night drug
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
