My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Randomize
