Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
