I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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