Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
