I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
