At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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