Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
