I bet he comes in French.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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