So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
So squirting runs in the family.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
