Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
