i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
