I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.