I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
