I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
