So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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