if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
