Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
