when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Randomize
