yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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