I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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