We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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