Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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