Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
My ATM looks so different sober.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
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