ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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