I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
