I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
How's work?
Spinning.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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