never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
