We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
