I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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