I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
