how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
