i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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