the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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