Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
