Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
