just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
