Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
