I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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