I want to walk on stilts...naked
I'm eating all of the evidence.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize