I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
