we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
