i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
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