ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
