Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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