I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
