with your own penis?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
