her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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