I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
