Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
