Only a mothe r could love this liver
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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