Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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