Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
