Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
