Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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