Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
