i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
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The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
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